loved by him

i love you mohamad zulharizan. u are my only. i know lately we have been through ups and down relationship. and i want you to know that i love you no matter what. 

this is how i felt about you. i'm really falling in love with you even though two of us are really stubborn. hehe. i love you so much. 

everybody change

including me. i'm changing. i don't know if it is bad or good. what i know, what i see is what i wrote. like this, everybody change. everyone i know and i friend with is changing. even him. like, everyone i know is changed. i don't know if it is bad to them or good. i don't know. what i know, from the person i close with is change. but he ask me. i'm really disappointed of his attitude. my bad ass he knows, his bad ass he really doesn't know. if i say, he's gonna ask who start this fight. what start the fight is i can't barely handle if the person i love like bullying me. and the person i trust, setakat abu-abu ajak. i'm sick of people like unrespect me. bullying me. i know i'm short so whatever, but don't treat me this way. --'

where's my luck?

where's my lucky charm now? where's am i now? where the heck i am now? who the hell is him? where's me? where's him? who am i? who is he?

i want my charm back. charm that i see months ago. charm that i see that evening? where is it? i want it back. why? i ask you why. why every time we meet each other, only that moment i feel happy. why every time we meet, on the same day at night, we fight? why every time we fight, i'm the one that cried. why?

like you said, i was looking for attention.but for me, it wasn't me looking for it. i just looking for the person that i used to know by fighting with you. i know it's against the law. if this still goes on, just meet up. don't go back home or leave each other even just for a second.

foolish me. i'm the one who make this mess.

my blog, my picture. NOT YOUR BUSINESS

i don't care if you wanna be my follower or not. i don't ask or push you to read my blog. what you read in this fucking blog, just stay there. do get it people business. understand that bitch? i don't really care who the fuck are you or important you are to me. you tell my story or even my picture is very hard for you to handle, then.
Y O U  A R E  N O T   W E L C O M E  H E R E

who you think you are tell my story to someone else. why? your life it too perfect not to tell to everyone? huh?? fuck you lah. you read my story stay there. don't make it very hard. is that hard for you to shut the fuck up? why? i'm only asking to be my follower if you W A N T. i don't even push you to be one.

M I N D   Y O U R   O W N   B U S I N E S S !

what's on my mind?

let me think just for a sec. me done updating my blog. i was waiting for him skype me or even online just for a little while and i called him. and guess what? it doesn't worth. haish. i don't care and i don't even wanna mad at him. just let him be. i know he with his friends. but i guess friends more important. i think. well, i don't care. today is my very unhappy day. wanna know why? because even it's raining outside and i'm sick. it sucks and heart broken when you axious ly waiting for him, and you excited ly called him. and he just said sorry. oyeah! chill fiqah. let him be. i trust him and just let him be. i think. i wait and i wait. doesn't worth it.

my fault. always giving myself a hope that myself know randomly happen.

p/s : i love you.

miss the old fun

i miss you.  i miss the way you use to be. 'tampa palak' or 'paluk burit' is no more fun. it becoming hurtful. it's not cool dude when u scream into my face in front of your friends. i not even know who you are for now. how u feel i scream at you that time and your friends immediately look at you. u must feel that u being embarrassed, right? scream into your fucking face when everyone looking at you. well, for your information i felt that way. it's not cool to do that with a girl, am i right? you have shown your true true colour. and i not even like the way you are now. yes, like u say. i'm still the way i used to be. and you change into someone disrespect unwanted attitude for a boy that is being love by a girl that ask her friends opinion how to deal with this kind of stuff. they said be patient. but for how long? for you information, you have never seen me like i used to be. don't even ask. u the first boy that my patient towards you is being tested. and you easily said that, i'm not changed at all. for god's sake, you THE FIRST BOY and i'm not even tried to cheat behind you dude. and u said i'm not change at all. looks like, you not even tried to accept me for the who i am. i'm trying to accept you. is that so hard for you to trust me. i smoke, u scream at my friends. oyeah!! that's what really LOVE about you. what next? beat me to death? haish. i'm so furious by your attitude, give me back my mohamad zulharizan like he used to be. just be you. not being someone else. you seems like you tried to be someone else.

heart-breaker

i waited for you. for the day i came back from school. i wait for you to call. but nothing. im trying to be nice im sick of pretending like i love to fight w you. im sick of crying and im sick of seeing you hurt. what i wanna say is that even though i messed up, please don't pushed me away like that. yes, i hurt your feeling when i did that to you. but im sick of fighting w you. what for i fight and cursed you but deep in my heart i still can forget what i did to you. i'm sorry. i may not be enough for you, i may not the prefect girl u always wanted but please, dont pushed me away. im sitting in front of my laptop hoping that something pops and that is from you. i love you. and i know my words SUCKS. but please, i have no idea how to proof it you when u like not giving me the chance. please, i know i messed up. -.-

hate to admit

sometimes i wish had no idea what the password is. because every time i open it, i might making me jealous. but, i don't care. i'm just hoping that she do not always like that. what making me sad is, his walls full with her names but not me. em, haish. i'm not that jealous. i'm not a fan fighting with him. but, what if i wall with his own friends and my walls full with his friend's name? haish. i have no idea. just chill. i love him and i'm not blind still have feelings.-.-

part of me

part of me is you. i am you. you my everything. i just miss you syg. 

WILL YOU MARRY ME? 

i can't bare to think if you have the guts to leave me because f.y.i i not gonna leave you. 

haish. more i think, more i'm in love with you. ngegeh! -mohamad zulharizan bin mohamad- 

answer the damn questions

what making me frustrated that i feel like i'm being fool and i'm just a place that everyone let go their damn anger. what am i suppose to be in front of them? i'm not an idiot, i'm not some kind that u can be fool with.but sometimes, i cried just because of that shit. what the hell? sometimes i can stand it by hiding my frustration. but everyone have their limits. even me have my patient's limits. don't cross that line. please. i'm trying my very best to please you. just to make u smile. i'm only asking why the fuck are u acting like that to me. i'm scared that i do something wrong towards you. like my mom say to me, 'everyone surround you can detect your mistakes are, but hardly appreciate what you have done'. and i totally agree with that. when i do something really wrong, whoa. look at their face angry with me. when i'm doing something good, look at them. not even say thanks or just smile. it really do make me feel like i'm being accepted. everyone is just like that even me. yes, you can hide you expression. but can never hide it forever. i don't what the heck r you thinking towards me or you don't know what the heck am i thinking. my mother once said 'jangan sesekali ubah air muka orang. sekali dha polah orang mcm ya, smpe bila-bila org ya akan kenang'.

school story

hellow readers!!

long time no updated. talking about my freaking school. i love going to school. because there, i get to meet my friends. and also at the same time, i really hate going to school when you realize that someone that you know is hating you so much. and hey, i don't even care. why, i live not just to pleased my haters feeling. as if i care. but please, i hate when someone that you know hate you because of what my other friends did n i did eventually. we thought that it just a joke. don't take it personal. i thought she act gangster enough she can handle the pressure. this is my first time i see a girl so 'embarrassed' just because of we tease her with the guy she like. i was like 'what the heck?' and the reasons are she having her period n she not in a good mood. if all the girls are just like her, there will be no peace, no mens in our fucking lives. just, control that hormone girl. every one had their time, but some girl that i know never act that way like u. seriously, i never met a girl like you. i don't know. if you want to say what we did is bullied you. we are not like that. we thought it just a girl because to pick on somebody can not thinking might hurt their feelings but when we teasing you, you so fucking mad at us. look, i'm sorry. i didn't meant to bully you or something. it just for fun god damn it. well, don't judge a book by its cover, right? i guess i wrong about you girl. i thought u a fun girl to hang with, do not spoil like other girl. but, i was freaking wrong. you just a spoil brat. i'm glad to know. i'm sincere to be friend w u. but, you all that stuff wrong. that's your old school. i don't care how fat u are. i don't care how poor u r. what i care, don't get it seriously when hanging w us. what we tease or say it just for fun. nothing to embarrassed you or just to make you blush. no, we never meant that way. i'm not gonna coax you or anything. what for? not my problem you become sulky. i just need you to understand us than we understand u. u r so hard to understand, you know that. i know your story w ur family. u think u haven't yet felt the love you want from your family. you rebel all your mother or your father even your brother n sister ask you to do and dons. but, don't let it on us dear. i love you being my friend girl. i really do. what had happen to us, i'm really frustrated. and also i heard some of your friends call us high class group? what is that suppose to mean? if we really high class person, oh please. i'm not even look at you or friend w you. if me being a high class person. i ignore what u even say to me. maybe its you or not someone in your class really hate me. don't you think so? you shout at people's face, you sometimes very rude, sometimes you really sweet. swear to god, why u even think that way? whose choose friend? me or u? please, your friend is getting on my nerve. really pissing me off. what the fuck girl? straight to point please, berbahas la kw spnjg2 ko mok. i don't even care. because you friend is snob person. i smile at her the first time i see her. i smile, what she do? not even look at me. i may annoy you, but you annoy me so much that i annoy you girl. i don't FUCKING care what you wanna say about me, leave out my friends. leave me out of it. don't make us the reason you so pissed off. just say. u kurang kasih sayang and u know the truth. he doesn't like you. that y u so mad. in this world, who wants to get into a fight? you? me? no one girl. it's you attitude. we all r not mature enough. even teachers not mature. hbus? not even think straight. please, think before you judge us. how u even know us when u not even talk to us? how do you know we r high class person o normal person? do even know where we hang out? not at starbucks or coffee beans or secret recipe. that's u. every saturday u went parkson. every sunday, explanet or marina bay or tanjung. that's where you all hang out. us? how can us be a high class person when u never hang out w us? so, don't judge us by what car we use or what brand our bags are. you the high class person. you and your friends. i'm sorry. i'm not gonna pity on u girl.

please don't make me cry again

i'm just a burden in your daily lives. without me in it, there will be no tears or no fight in you. i'm just a burden to you. am i right darling? i was just your life difficult. you ask me to there for you, but i feel like i'm not that useful for you. i'm not THAT particular person that you dream off. dream to one of a kind girl. no, i'm just ordinary girl. you ask me to text you, with a smile face i text. but you, go and hate me as much as you want to hate. but please, don't make me cry for the last time. i can't believe for just two months, a lot of tears going down. a lot of fight. why we can't be the last i checked with a happy smile on you face. but now, it's missing. i feel so stupid and dumped when you did me like that. i'm sorry. but, i've never seen a guy that so jealous that can make his girl cry that much. please, don't ignore my feeling towards you please. i'm a human being and so do you. but you, treat me like some kind of robot who you can let go of your anger, stress. i'm not that girl. i just can stand being mad of because i say to someone ngegeh or i close to someone. everything, everyone that i do or close with, you have to mad with it. and you so gnarly and also testy. but you say me that you stubborn. you make me cry a lot. i have a heart problem here. why you just accept who i am and not to turn me to someone that you like me to be. i love the way you are, stubborn, jealousy, angry, lazy. i love the way you are and not even wanna try to be other person. please don't make me one of your experimental materials. please. i know it's my fault, but every time we fight why must me giving up. why must me the end with tears. what? am i not that good enough for you?

sorry if i wrote really pissed you off

yo' guys. you guys really pissed me out. wanna know why? we all forgotten our motto. kerjasama, setia sahabat & toleransi. you guys know what, asyari right. we all busy doing our own stuff. hoping one another to announce others member. there's no collaboration, no loyal friend. each one of us may not or maybe have hard feeling towards each other. that's why our second meeting and our convoy with ZC sucks. BORING!! why? everyone do their things including me n others. there's no team. there will never be a team when each of us like blaming each other. well, for your information it's everyone fault. i know this is our first time doing this stuff but please don't blaming each other for not doing their work. give them a chance and give this group to shine a chance will you? this group is on the way to shine but three members are out. what the heck? it sucks. i have no idea. everyone like hoping the other person to tell the other members. that is not how members work. it's not the creator fault or anyone. but ourselves. why we don't ask them about activity or coming soon event. there's no commitment to this group. this group is based on friendship. try no letting our friendship ruined because of this group. just please, no team no group no scootville community. try to be like more commitment. and try not to appeal this group with zodiex or moped. seriously, we only student. still ask our parent money and permission. SC's members are all students. may not be a student but not yet work. just not to appeal SC with others. we still new in this business. because of this group, our true colours came out. try to have fun with this group and try to be more commitment. i may just a supporter not a crew, but atleast i gave something for us to think. may after you read this, you say bad things or ignore me. but, i just can't imagine if our relationship as friends become enemy because of this group. please. i tell you guys something might change your mood for a seconds. remember our very first shoot as members? at explanet. remember? that's the first time i felt that feeling. feeling like having another family. we having so much fun. we getting closer to each other. but that feeling missing after i don't know when. i would like that feeling again. everyone enjoyed that moment. everyone pleased, everyone smile, everyone is trying their butt up just to get there. everyone risks every minute just to get there. for me, i found scootville communty family. but the feeling is missing after the second meeting and during that convoy everyone like no smile in their face. no real smile. no real happy mode at that time. i saw how you guys gathered. everyone gathered at the same place and then, poof. some were there, some were far far away. but we called ourselves a team. actually, there's no team at all we sit at the same table, but not talking the same thing. not like the first time we gathered at explanet. but, i'm a dreamer. i just missed shasha, afnan n asyari in this group. look how happy we are that moment. haish. emo eh. haha xD

our very first shoot as officially members scootville community. :)

p/s : i miss that moment. if anyone read this, please don't be mad. i'm sorry. mintak maaf dari hujong rambut sampe ujong kaki. 

no conclusion

what's the point say i love you to each other like every minute but there's no trust. i have no idea. what's the point live on this earth with the guy you love, but can't do anything. or else he's mad. what's point? i like to cry, i like to scream but for what. i cursed him, say bad things about him. but in the end, i still loving him. what is happening to me is that i feel like all this while and all i do for him is never enough and all i do is making his trust in me disappear. when he say to me just to take care of my feelings and he lied. the simple thing i ask for him that to trust me. how can i show him the proof but he's never letting his side of feeling to trust me. he still thinks i'm the old one. but i'm not. i'm changing. not every stubborn or girl like me who always make trouble couldn't change. felt like i was so stupid believing and do whatever he ask for. sometimes i look like kindda bad person, but inside i still want to change. i want to change but feeling like no one supporting me including him. he ask for me to change but he way he ask is really hurting my feeling. i get to know that all this while he has no trust to me just because of old stuff happen back there. i was like, my heart is breaking into FUCKING pieces. what's the point we two coupled up but for one month and all we do is fight? what i can do is smiling and giving up. when he's started to believing in me because what i need is his trust. he wants proof but i can't gave him proof. why? he's not believing every thing i say or do. this is really frustrating. he's telling story about us. he knows where to let go. but me? i'm way cross the line.

someone concern?

heylow! attensiyon everyone!! i'm pleased that you guys willing to read my blog. i know and i realize that my english are poor. so, please if you can understand congrate. but to whom that didn't understand. i don even ask you to understand. so, if my english are so fucking poor and it hurts you so much. just followed if you want and don't read. i don't even ask. so, don't even judge my blog and post at shout telling me that my english poor. i also wanna see your blog. if your english are better than mine. so, thanks to 'someone concern' for being a good human being that like to judger everyone's blog. i love your shout back there. so, thanks A LOT dear. i appreciate it so much. i'm going to have my over joy dinner because out there somewhere there's certain people like you likes to comment my blog. for your fucking info, THIS IS MY BLOG? or maybe you forget that this blog not even belong to you. so, stop judging. okay? THANKS

feeling being fucked up bitch

what i see and what i feel last night was fucking AMAZING. never felt that way before. what goes around comes around. well, i think who the boys feel when i fucked up their LOVE.  it sucks when someone think that you still had the feeling towards your FUCKING ex. i had no feeling towards them just to be friends with them. if breaking up making their relationship become enemy, don't coupled up. why? it's better to friends that couple. if friends, hard to them to hate you because the feeling is not there. but breaking up and become enemy? what the use saying i love you to each other no matter sincere or not, what's the fucking point? when someone say that they gonna hate the people that played their heart or there's no 'jodoh' between them, they will hate you. what's the point of saying i love you to each other before they breaking up? at that time, hating is no point. why? both of those people played each other heart. one played behind our back and other one is hating you. what's the point you coupled up? yes, you gonna hate those people. but until where? what's the fucking point you hate that people that you realize you gonna see him or her no matter how far or how hard you try to hide. there's no point. i scared that, when there's no lasting in our relationship between us, i know he's gonna hate me. i just scared about that and i really do want to make him changed his mind. hate all you want. but until where? i just gonna be pain in you butt. there's no use.

actions tells story

mohd zulharizan's own me!! i love him so much. 

happiest day of my life when i get to see him and hold him. never letting him go. 

dia saya yang punya. mohd zulharizan saya yang punya. don't ever think to snatch him from me ;)

p/s : no skype no texting no nothing. i wish to see him after i get home from tuition. but, i don't know. maybe he's the one that tired. hehe. i love him. and i always do. muaxsss. cinta dia. love dia. selamat malam cinta zulharizan. mimpi saya! 

a feeling that drive me crazy

a feeling of uncomfortable, scared, happy, sad but most of all is scared. i don't know why. i think i'm starting to fell the love and believing in love. but the scary part is, the is his first time being with a girl that he can hug or kiss. i doesn't wanna be the girl just to let the feeling want to know over him. and not letting the feeling of love over him. what i know is, i never felt this way before. i never felt that the scary feeling is now taking over me and sometimes making me wanna cry. i just don't know why, maybe i was a fool. i followed every thing he ask me to do. what i scared other thing is, after all i done to him. he just leave me say BYE.

fuck la. what the hell? what happen to me? am i just a girl that still don't know shit about love or am i girl talks about love, but never did one of it. i'm lovesick. fuck fuck fuck. shit shit shit. i have no idea what happen to me. what i know is, i never felt this way before. seriously, only HE knows what the heck am i feeling. because me myself exactly don't know what am i feeling actually. shit!! palis palis. puh puh. hope all the bad stuff go away from me. and the good stuff 'come come!!' xD

unexpected tears

may not be the best girl or may not be the nicest girl you've ever met. but i maybe the worst girl ever you've ever hook up with. don't say you heart broken because for your own information before i did you already did the part. when you did the part, i just smile and try making a joke. but when i did, you gave me unwanted face that girl doesn't wanna see on her love ones. sometimes my tears won't mean anything but just to get attention, right? i don't let my tears drop unless my heart broken and or i feel rejected. i don't know what else to think. please do me a favor, don't call yourself a stupid boy because to me, it hurts. it hurts even though to you is just a piece of crap.



p/s : believe or not, want or not, i love you.

keep holding on. this is my last good bye.

never say bye, never say good bye, 

if the time is right when you have to say good bye,

let me say, forgive me.

forgive me what i have done to you.

may not i'm the best,

may not i'm the person who make you happy,

but for me, 

i'm happy because of add mate,

i meet you. :D

don leave don say goodbye,

hate the word, hate that you gonna leave me.

i wish i can turn back time,

time that i say i love you,

and hoping you know how deep i feel.