Wednesday, April 25
It's really sad when the person you really love, the reason you want to study, the reason that you will coming back for is breaking up with you just because of study. It's really sad. The time that I need him the most, he can just walk out and say 'don't lose hope and I'm letting you go for study reason'. It's really sad. Other than my family, other than my friends, he also the person that turn to when I need someone. It's just, if I knew that he goddamn leaving me. I'm the one that should walk out. It all happen when I reach here and my life, my entire life just freaking change. haih. I couldn't say I miss you, I couldn't say I love you, I couldn't say I need you anymore. And this time, when I really need you. I could beg just to get your help but I'm in shocked that he could. So much for the promise you made, so much for the support. It just so lame when you needed someone and he/she could just walk out. pfffftt~ Now, it is hard for me to go back, to my home town. From facebook to my phone number, I just wanna change. I love my twitter tho. LOL anyway, I need that freaking GODDAMN cigarette. I need my DRUG. I need it so bad.
Monday, April 9
Seeing me laughing out loud, smiling like a maniac and do stuff. Actually, deep deep inside my heart. I'm still hurt. Yes, you make me happy. But it only last awhile. You make me smile, you make me laugh and the point is, I'm scared. I don't know if I ready for this type of commitment. I met you at a bar. At that time, I know you have your girlfriend. And yet, you told me that you and her are just being a close friend. When I think bout it, if you could do that to her. Why not me? Am I right or wrong? You could do the same towards me. That's why I'm scared. I know, I'm a hot tempered. I looked like I'm defending myself being so mad all the time. I know that, maybe not now. But someday, you'll be leaving. That's why I take the risk to leave you. Let me take all the blame. I'm sorry Marul. I think I'm scared and I'm not ready for any relationship. I'm just having fun alone. I'm enjoying myself alone. I know I love you but I know someday I'm gonna hurt you. Like now, you are crying alone. Well, same here. I can't express how depressing I am about this. I can't hold onto you. I know you can find someone better than me. I can't be some phony bitch. I am what I am. I'm not ready to drag you into my life. I'm not ready. I need you somehow, you just my boyfriend. What I need is I need you to be my brother, my best friend, my soul mate. To be exact, I need you to be a man in my life that can guide me. I'm sorry love.