sucks about love

mostly, when we love  someone very much u never felt like wanna let him or her go that easily. but, when  it comes about my love life? it sucks. everything sucks. seems like, everything i done just him. he never realize it n always blame it on me. when can i feel the love he hard to express it to me. felt like being stupid. yes. love means that when u love someone, u act stupid. u say stupid. u seems stupid! u seems desperate. but it doesn't must be like that. u choose to be stupid and dumb for him or her just to get their attention. thats love dude! i cried for u, i scream out loud for u. but u seems like never care. u are careless about me. about me and life. firstly, u easily say u wanna break up. then, u easily say u syg me. but, when i think over. isn't true u syg me? is this waiting is worth for me to wait, cry, mad, scream? isn't it worth? 

for now, i only felt the love from my family. but, u are part of my family. why can u just accept the way i am? am i too bad for u to handle? we are losing the chemistry.and i wanna back. 

who's to blame now bitch?

what even meant trust? what even meant love? now i showed to you that i don't have the trust. that's why there's something wrong w the picture. lies on lies. i love that kind of picture. when it comes to me, no matter what am i done or wear. it must me doing something wrong. who's to fool now? isn't me fooling you around or it just u? who's to blame now? isn't still me or u? isn't still me the BIG FAT LIAR or it just u? lies on lies darla. thanks a lot.

it really means a lot. i though i was the one. ALWAYS GET MY HIGH HOPES ON YOU!

birthday girl perlu keluar air mata?

just for once! just even once! i just wanna felt everything PERFECT!

even on my birthday, i cried! i cried for something bad! i cried for something that i hate most!

even on my FUCKING birthday! i have to cry!

even on my CELAKA hari jadi, aku perlu ngis!

pahal? mmang ada jak benda nok nyakit ati! kdang2 ku pike la kan, AKU IDUP PUN XDA GUNA BAH!

BERIK SIAL! siot eh. aku bencik birthday! mok dekat 10 thun aku xda celebrate. bila dah celebrate, aku nok ngis! SAH AKU JAIK.

aku baruk ada feeling mok sambut derr. haish.

28th May 1994

a young muscular man name Zolkipli meet a young lady, Rabiah. that time that man i don know might been dating one of her friend. so, they meet each other. back then, there no feeling of love or even get a future together. after 5 years being friend and know each other. that man ask the girl to be his wife. the lady say yes. after 9 years waiting, they get their first child. Me!! hehe. they not giving up after the first miscarriage. i love them.

28 may 2011

starting 12 noon until 3.55 is the best day ever. even though the night before, my father said no. and i still wanna go w him. ;) my mom at first doesn't really approve. hehe. but i stuck up their butt, and they say yes. i full- fill they promises i made to them, they not mad at me. even my dad.

long story short.

this years is the best year ever. i don't even know why. even though we had the roughest time ever, we still have each other. now i know, i can believe in him trust him. what do towards him is the bad-ass i have ever done to someone. 

making him to cry! that's the first. haha. i know. and sometimes i do realize that im not match to him. hey, im a bad-ass girl. he such like good boy kindda guy. GOOD BOY sangat ke? 

p/s : i kissed my cousinat the cheek  for the first time. i celebrate my birthday. and also, i still have the people that i care much. for those wishes, thanks a lot. i know i'm getting old. but, i'm still cute though. haha. :P 

aku bukan untuk dirimun

Dahulu kau mencintaiku 

Dahulu kau menginginkanku 

Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku 

Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku 

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh 

Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku 

Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu 

Dan kumohon maafkan aku 

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis 

Dan biarkan memilih yang lain 

Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu 

Pasti itu terbaik untukmu 

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali 

Aku bukanlah untukmu 

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu 

Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya 

Untuk diriku 

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh 

Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku 

Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu 

Dan kumohon maafkan aku 

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis 

Dan biarkan memilih yang lain 

Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu 

Pasti itu terbaik untukmu 

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali 

Aku bukanlah untukmu 

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu 

Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya 

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu 

Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya 

Untuk diriku

p/s : i'm sorry what i have done to you. i know its all my fault. just, i wanna say im sorry. i know i make u cry last night. i know lately i keep running away and making excuses. it just hard for me when all my love to you doesn't mean anything to you lately. what i know, before it's too late to say. sayang sentiasa suka ayang. eventhough time kawan kita kaie juak, gerek apatah lagi. sayang x tauk pahal sayang suka ayang. ayang banyak plah syg ngis, marah, kecik ati, kecewa but syg maseh dgan ayg smpe nektok. syg tauk syg salah. ayg marah syg, i deserve. just, i never felt being appreciate by you. 

malam tadi 22/05

aku nih ada crita nak sampai kan kat korang. aku tau lah blog aku nih manyak crita jiwang. tapi, itu aku. aku suka jiwang lah. aku tgok lah kan, aku nih cepat sangat kecil hati. aku pun tak tau. tapi, kalau orang tuh cakap kasar2, hang tgok chet. merepak terus. haha. aku nih kesian kat korang tmpat aku lepas. aku rasa aku lepas kat hang. and mlam tadi kan. aku baru hilang aku punya guardian angle kata kan. manyak la kuar air mata suci chet nih. haha. suci la sangat kan. haha. aku nih makin lama kuat pulak merajuk nyerr. aku tak tau la pahal aku jadi mcm nih. aku rasa ajer bah. and aku kecewa la sangat aku nih d benci oreng rupenye. aku pikiak aku nih baikk lah sangat. tapi tak. aku nih manusia, mana la tentu perfect sangat. aku tau aku buat silap, tapi aku kene balit entah la brapa kali ganda gih. haha. aku rasa aku nih jahat lah. betul. haha. mana la tau. kalau aku ada buat silam kat hangpa, hanpa pergi dtang jumpa chet na. ;)

jahat sangat ke aku kat korang?

aku tau aku jahat sangat kat korang. tapi, aku tak la jahat sangat sampai buat gmba korang mcm tu. aku tak la jahat sangat sampai nak buat profile fake pulak. aku pun ada maruah jugak. engko pike hati engko jer kan engko tau2 jer aku nie ada penyakit hiv. engko tau mcam mane ar? entah2 engko tu penghidap hiv positif tahap kritikal. engko nak aku malu erk? engko jangan la buat macam tu. aku tau aku jahat time dulu, sekarang ni tak. nape tak dulu engko buat fake? aku kacau suami engkau ke? tak pulak? aku kacau rumah tangga engkau ke? mane ade. macam mane aku nak kacau rumah tangga engko, aku pun hubungan pun belom teratur. engko ni kan, suka cari perhatian. aku buat jahat ape kat engko sampai engko nak buat fake. mai datang sini, mai datang jumpa aku. chet nak hang cerita betui betui kat chet apa chet dah buat kat hang. chet buang ape erk sampei hang sanggup buat chet macam nie? nak cakap aku ada kacau balak engko, takde jugak. engko nak ape? sakit hati betui engko dengan aku. haish. aku terima jer lah. aku tau aku betul, engko tu tahap gila.

Perkhemahan Persatuan Kadet Bersatu Malaysia

8 may until 12 may is unforgettable moment. it is an expensive moment that you gonna beg to turn back time. there's, i found my other family. i missed them. i missed all the fight before we all take a bath. a fight that really funny and memorable. i miss bapak. a few weeks spending time with him and all 32 of us. he take care of us like his own child. i really miss bapak.

camping kat kem oya, batu 14. kat cia 4 buah plantun lelaki n 3 plantun perempuan. mekorg dp nang enjoy abis. but, that moment ends when its time to go back miri. bila ingat sal mekorg kat cia, mesti mok ngis. sbb, aku? tahun tok last. bila gik ku nak merasa kdk ya. n second, nok pegi ya semua dah kdk famili aku. yahh! aku xmok abis pom 5 bah. ku mok enjoy dgan cdak.

pelu ka aku abis pom 5? haha. ssah bagi aku lepas masa ya. mahal gilak.  mahal teramat. aok la, maybe dpat kdk ya. tapi, dgan org lain. ku mok dgan org sama. pengalaman nok aku x pat lupak. aku rindu semua. aku rindu kaie sal aek. aku rindu bila mileh tapak k mkan. haha.

PLEASE TURN BACK TIME!

YA ALLAH !

tolong aku ya Allah. aku tauk ku banyak salah. tapi, tolong la. sampe bila ku maok tahan kenak pressure macam tok. x pasal pasal knk heart attack ku bah. dah ku lemah jantong. pike la. suka gilak nga family ku ancho bah. dlok udah, sbb aku. nektok sal apa gik? semua hal nok kaitan dgan famili ku musnah mesti ada knk mngenak dgan mulut org. tolong la. sampe masok kubo pun aku, idup aku x tenteram bah. ya allah. ampun dosa aku ya allah. ampun dosa famili ku ya allah. aku bnyak plah silap. hukum aku, bkan cdak ya allah. aku mbak sial lam famili ku ya allah. aku tauk ku bnyak plah silap, tolong aku ya allah! kesabaran aku x tinggi ya allah.