please don't make me cry again

i'm just a burden in your daily lives. without me in it, there will be no tears or no fight in you. i'm just a burden to you. am i right darling? i was just your life difficult. you ask me to there for you, but i feel like i'm not that useful for you. i'm not THAT particular person that you dream off. dream to one of a kind girl. no, i'm just ordinary girl. you ask me to text you, with a smile face i text. but you, go and hate me as much as you want to hate. but please, don't make me cry for the last time. i can't believe for just two months, a lot of tears going down. a lot of fight. why we can't be the last i checked with a happy smile on you face. but now, it's missing. i feel so stupid and dumped when you did me like that. i'm sorry. but, i've never seen a guy that so jealous that can make his girl cry that much. please, don't ignore my feeling towards you please. i'm a human being and so do you. but you, treat me like some kind of robot who you can let go of your anger, stress. i'm not that girl. i just can stand being mad of because i say to someone ngegeh or i close to someone. everything, everyone that i do or close with, you have to mad with it. and you so gnarly and also testy. but you say me that you stubborn. you make me cry a lot. i have a heart problem here. why you just accept who i am and not to turn me to someone that you like me to be. i love the way you are, stubborn, jealousy, angry, lazy. i love the way you are and not even wanna try to be other person. please don't make me one of your experimental materials. please. i know it's my fault, but every time we fight why must me giving up. why must me the end with tears. what? am i not that good enough for you?

sorry if i wrote really pissed you off

yo' guys. you guys really pissed me out. wanna know why? we all forgotten our motto. kerjasama, setia sahabat & toleransi. you guys know what, asyari right. we all busy doing our own stuff. hoping one another to announce others member. there's no collaboration, no loyal friend. each one of us may not or maybe have hard feeling towards each other. that's why our second meeting and our convoy with ZC sucks. BORING!! why? everyone do their things including me n others. there's no team. there will never be a team when each of us like blaming each other. well, for your information it's everyone fault. i know this is our first time doing this stuff but please don't blaming each other for not doing their work. give them a chance and give this group to shine a chance will you? this group is on the way to shine but three members are out. what the heck? it sucks. i have no idea. everyone like hoping the other person to tell the other members. that is not how members work. it's not the creator fault or anyone. but ourselves. why we don't ask them about activity or coming soon event. there's no commitment to this group. this group is based on friendship. try no letting our friendship ruined because of this group. just please, no team no group no scootville community. try to be like more commitment. and try not to appeal this group with zodiex or moped. seriously, we only student. still ask our parent money and permission. SC's members are all students. may not be a student but not yet work. just not to appeal SC with others. we still new in this business. because of this group, our true colours came out. try to have fun with this group and try to be more commitment. i may just a supporter not a crew, but atleast i gave something for us to think. may after you read this, you say bad things or ignore me. but, i just can't imagine if our relationship as friends become enemy because of this group. please. i tell you guys something might change your mood for a seconds. remember our very first shoot as members? at explanet. remember? that's the first time i felt that feeling. feeling like having another family. we having so much fun. we getting closer to each other. but that feeling missing after i don't know when. i would like that feeling again. everyone enjoyed that moment. everyone pleased, everyone smile, everyone is trying their butt up just to get there. everyone risks every minute just to get there. for me, i found scootville communty family. but the feeling is missing after the second meeting and during that convoy everyone like no smile in their face. no real smile. no real happy mode at that time. i saw how you guys gathered. everyone gathered at the same place and then, poof. some were there, some were far far away. but we called ourselves a team. actually, there's no team at all we sit at the same table, but not talking the same thing. not like the first time we gathered at explanet. but, i'm a dreamer. i just missed shasha, afnan n asyari in this group. look how happy we are that moment. haish. emo eh. haha xD

our very first shoot as officially members scootville community. :)

p/s : i miss that moment. if anyone read this, please don't be mad. i'm sorry. mintak maaf dari hujong rambut sampe ujong kaki. 

no conclusion

what's the point say i love you to each other like every minute but there's no trust. i have no idea. what's the point live on this earth with the guy you love, but can't do anything. or else he's mad. what's point? i like to cry, i like to scream but for what. i cursed him, say bad things about him. but in the end, i still loving him. what is happening to me is that i feel like all this while and all i do for him is never enough and all i do is making his trust in me disappear. when he say to me just to take care of my feelings and he lied. the simple thing i ask for him that to trust me. how can i show him the proof but he's never letting his side of feeling to trust me. he still thinks i'm the old one. but i'm not. i'm changing. not every stubborn or girl like me who always make trouble couldn't change. felt like i was so stupid believing and do whatever he ask for. sometimes i look like kindda bad person, but inside i still want to change. i want to change but feeling like no one supporting me including him. he ask for me to change but he way he ask is really hurting my feeling. i get to know that all this while he has no trust to me just because of old stuff happen back there. i was like, my heart is breaking into FUCKING pieces. what's the point we two coupled up but for one month and all we do is fight? what i can do is smiling and giving up. when he's started to believing in me because what i need is his trust. he wants proof but i can't gave him proof. why? he's not believing every thing i say or do. this is really frustrating. he's telling story about us. he knows where to let go. but me? i'm way cross the line.

someone concern?

heylow! attensiyon everyone!! i'm pleased that you guys willing to read my blog. i know and i realize that my english are poor. so, please if you can understand congrate. but to whom that didn't understand. i don even ask you to understand. so, if my english are so fucking poor and it hurts you so much. just followed if you want and don't read. i don't even ask. so, don't even judge my blog and post at shout telling me that my english poor. i also wanna see your blog. if your english are better than mine. so, thanks to 'someone concern' for being a good human being that like to judger everyone's blog. i love your shout back there. so, thanks A LOT dear. i appreciate it so much. i'm going to have my over joy dinner because out there somewhere there's certain people like you likes to comment my blog. for your fucking info, THIS IS MY BLOG? or maybe you forget that this blog not even belong to you. so, stop judging. okay? THANKS

feeling being fucked up bitch

what i see and what i feel last night was fucking AMAZING. never felt that way before. what goes around comes around. well, i think who the boys feel when i fucked up their LOVE.  it sucks when someone think that you still had the feeling towards your FUCKING ex. i had no feeling towards them just to be friends with them. if breaking up making their relationship become enemy, don't coupled up. why? it's better to friends that couple. if friends, hard to them to hate you because the feeling is not there. but breaking up and become enemy? what the use saying i love you to each other no matter sincere or not, what's the fucking point? when someone say that they gonna hate the people that played their heart or there's no 'jodoh' between them, they will hate you. what's the point of saying i love you to each other before they breaking up? at that time, hating is no point. why? both of those people played each other heart. one played behind our back and other one is hating you. what's the point you coupled up? yes, you gonna hate those people. but until where? what's the fucking point you hate that people that you realize you gonna see him or her no matter how far or how hard you try to hide. there's no point. i scared that, when there's no lasting in our relationship between us, i know he's gonna hate me. i just scared about that and i really do want to make him changed his mind. hate all you want. but until where? i just gonna be pain in you butt. there's no use.

actions tells story

mohd zulharizan's own me!! i love him so much. 

happiest day of my life when i get to see him and hold him. never letting him go. 

dia saya yang punya. mohd zulharizan saya yang punya. don't ever think to snatch him from me ;)

p/s : no skype no texting no nothing. i wish to see him after i get home from tuition. but, i don't know. maybe he's the one that tired. hehe. i love him. and i always do. muaxsss. cinta dia. love dia. selamat malam cinta zulharizan. mimpi saya! 

a feeling that drive me crazy

a feeling of uncomfortable, scared, happy, sad but most of all is scared. i don't know why. i think i'm starting to fell the love and believing in love. but the scary part is, the is his first time being with a girl that he can hug or kiss. i doesn't wanna be the girl just to let the feeling want to know over him. and not letting the feeling of love over him. what i know is, i never felt this way before. i never felt that the scary feeling is now taking over me and sometimes making me wanna cry. i just don't know why, maybe i was a fool. i followed every thing he ask me to do. what i scared other thing is, after all i done to him. he just leave me say BYE.

fuck la. what the hell? what happen to me? am i just a girl that still don't know shit about love or am i girl talks about love, but never did one of it. i'm lovesick. fuck fuck fuck. shit shit shit. i have no idea what happen to me. what i know is, i never felt this way before. seriously, only HE knows what the heck am i feeling. because me myself exactly don't know what am i feeling actually. shit!! palis palis. puh puh. hope all the bad stuff go away from me. and the good stuff 'come come!!' xD

unexpected tears

may not be the best girl or may not be the nicest girl you've ever met. but i maybe the worst girl ever you've ever hook up with. don't say you heart broken because for your own information before i did you already did the part. when you did the part, i just smile and try making a joke. but when i did, you gave me unwanted face that girl doesn't wanna see on her love ones. sometimes my tears won't mean anything but just to get attention, right? i don't let my tears drop unless my heart broken and or i feel rejected. i don't know what else to think. please do me a favor, don't call yourself a stupid boy because to me, it hurts. it hurts even though to you is just a piece of crap.



p/s : believe or not, want or not, i love you.

keep holding on. this is my last good bye.

never say bye, never say good bye, 

if the time is right when you have to say good bye,

let me say, forgive me.

forgive me what i have done to you.

may not i'm the best,

may not i'm the person who make you happy,

but for me, 

i'm happy because of add mate,

i meet you. :D

don leave don say goodbye,

hate the word, hate that you gonna leave me.

i wish i can turn back time,

time that i say i love you,

and hoping you know how deep i feel.

unforgettable night with zodiex n scootville community

sorry readers. doesn't have pictures to show you. but i tell you how much fun being with them. :)

at 2.30 my hubby and harris came to my house. because scootville community members should gathered aroung my house at 3.30 or something. about 5 o'clock, me, beb, dba and zul use cars. but when we in the cars. honestly i'm starting to feel stress and also tension. in my head is only smoke. but i didn't smoke. i was looking at my hubby face and i barely didn't wanna hurt him.

about 5.30 we arrived at explanet. but just for a while only. about 6, we started to move. went to padel's house at bakam. my hubby went to his house when we started to get out from explanet. me follow harris scoot and my hubby arrived on time. so i followed him. from the beach away to bakam. woaa!! much much fun. but i'm really not that comfortable because i'm not use using scoot. but it's all okay. it's the first time of life and i bet it will never gonna happen for the second time.

about 6.30 we arrived at padel's house. we wait and wait. i don't know what time. i guess about 7 o'clock we started to move again on our way to taman awam. their scoots was to awesome. i kinda like that moment. about 7.30 arrived and my mom call. that's when my nerves started. i was scared, nervous, i don't what am i feeling back then. my feeling was mixed up. i had no idea what to think actually. arrived but we have to wait again because charcoal was left behind at padel's house at bakam. so his friend went to bakam to get it.

about 8, the bbq started with burning the charcoal. hehe. but i have to leave the event about 9. my mom call again ask us to get home like now. so go home. without eating until the next day. ughh. my mood wanna eat gone missing after what my dad told us something that really making me cried. but, whatever. i enjoy and it wiil be the first and the last get to enjoy or konvoi with them. it do sucks.

enjoyable night being with my new friends and my friends. :D

jealousy sucks, desire hurts, love teach us how to survive

i look at his profile. i see his old pics. and i found some pictures that really making my nerves up. fuck la. erghh. really making me mad and also sad. when i see his comments he wants her even though i know its past 2 months. hehe. but i just scared that he still have the feeling towards her.

desire. i really do wanna join the event. but he can't. that's y desire hurts and when someone says not coming, the laziness of me came out. hehe. desire hurts. maybe its my fault that really excited to join. hoho. don't keep our faith to high. haha. xD

love? nothing to talk about just that i really love him like never used to like someone else. :D