START WITH A CRY

i know something is wrong. HAHAHA. nice. a text from andy 1.35 am

andy : You pun clubbing ka ? Im w him now. So friendly ho

me (5.02 am) : who pegi clubbing?

kakya, aku alert dgan phone. ku x alah2 pike hal ya. ku dah nyumpah andy. *cibai fuck semua la. the there's call. the number looks for damn familiar. guess what! HIS M-0-T-H-E-R called me like 6.30 AM. 

mak : hello.

me : hello.
mak : tauk sapa tok ka? *sora kdk bgong

me : x tauk.
mak : tok mak nasir.
me : ou. okay. *huh?

mak : tauk cne nasir?
me : x tauk. mek pike nya d rumah mlam tdik.
mak : nya xda dgan ktak ka mlam tdik?

me : xda.

mak : nya dri malam tdik xda balit dri rumah. 

me : -_____________________________-

mak : last tak jumpa nya blia? 

me : time skolah jak. kakya xda gik jumpa.

mak : nya slalu kluar dgan spa?

me : slalu mun sal fixie, ayum. *otak blank

mak : forward num cdak ya lok.

me : mek xda num nya. em, lak mek cuba kol kol nya. lak mek cuba crik num kwn nya k?

mak : kmk udah kol nya dri malam tdik. xda ans2. *bunyi nangis

me : mek cuba crik nya. *ngis mode

mak : okay. makseh.

op tepon. prasaan marah. about 6.55 am i called andy.

me : u pegi balcony mlam tdik?

andy : yes. why?

me : u tauk cne him now?

andy : no. i followed him last night smpe area balcony. i didn't touch him.

me : ugh! *ngis balit

andy : it's ur boyfriend. u should know.

me : i don't care about him. what i care is that is mom crik and she's crying.

andy : why do u care about her?

me : *fuck la andy

andy : ada mata2 kat cia. he bg brang to my friend. 

me : *now i'm speechless* ugh! fuck. thank you andy.

that's how i start my day. with a cry and with a shocking news. YEAY! i'm loving it. it's so fun.  

NOT DUMB NEITHER STUPID

maybe it was my fault or maybe it was their fault. what i know i what i wrote here. texting with nasir and the mirul called. i ask what the heck is happening. this is what he answer me and what i heard very loud and clear. THAT WAS AN ACT! well, bravo to them. is was very convincing. yes, i cried. fucked to those that are perfectly helpful to the break up scene. yes! i'm so lovin' it and i wanna do it again. pfftt! 

IS MY FEELING BEING COUNT?

how? what? why? always be a questions in my head. why i can't be happy for just a moment. i'm superb happy when acey ask for return. super fucking happy. and accurately 3.00 pm he let me go. AGAIN! why? only GOD knows why. bia jak. he do the right thing. he fight with his own friend. paham paham jak. okay? wanna know how FOR GOD'S SAKE my FUCKING feeling? first, in my head i was like yeay! his mine again. then, this thing ruined. and NOOO! his not mine again. for this few days, if someone give me sedozen cigarette i surely can finish this one whole day. i was like so fucking stress out and my thought killing someone for my pleasure. HAHAHA. i curse or i swear to someone not gonna worth. i wish my cousin here right here right now take me go someone that really calms me down. this whole messed just fucked up. i need to kill someone now. hit someone very hard until my anger gone and my problem solve. i was like so fucked up! jeez! GO TO HELL! I WISH I NEVER KNOW WHAT THE HECK LOVE IS & WHAT BOYFRIEND USED FOR! GO FUCKING STRAIGHT TO HELL!

MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU

pffftttt. haha. lame title ya. madefak. HAHA. mcm tok jak la. pendek crita. ku syang nya. bena2 ku syang nya. i made a wrong judgement about him. and it's my fucking fault. aku buat hal kecik jadi besar besar. bodo kan? bia jak la. ku tauk aku buat silap, aku mtak maap. good night. it has been tearing day. 

SADNESS COVER UP THE HAPPINESS

i love this one guy, mohammad nasiruddin. i know his form 3, but i think he's older than me. what i'm trying to say that, he's my favorite. my old time favorite. like he said, when he turn back with his ex it doesn't last. same for me. but him? what the fuck. why it must be him? why he's the one i cried just because i couldn't go with him watch only a movie. fuck. the guilt inside me when i see his face, like ugh! i know it's lame thing to say but it's the truth. i couldn't text him because i run out of idea how to persuade him. and, out of nowhere. i ask for break up. stupid kan? i know. i'm more stupid than i ever think off. hey, i'm only stupid because of him. when i'm with him, i'd love to his smile. because, when he smile there's sparkle and i know he's happy. i fucked up his day. i know. it just suck when you got family and your boyfriend need you there and the same time. it suck because i know at that time i have to hurt someone and that's him. i know it's stupid to say such dumbest word ever. fuck! it just, i run out my words. what i wanna say, please come back and forgive me. i'm lonely without you and i love you. *fuckk fuck fuck. meracau. sayang awak. dga lagu she's gone. fuck fuck. ngam juak lagu ya. aek mata gugok. HAHA*

TURNED

let this lyrics shows how am i feeling. ;(

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
Chris Medina What Are Words lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/chris-medina-what-are-words-lyrics.html

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close