Monday, April 9
Seeing me laughing out loud, smiling like a maniac and do stuff. Actually, deep deep inside my heart. I'm still hurt. Yes, you make me happy. But it only last awhile. You make me smile, you make me laugh and the point is, I'm scared. I don't know if I ready for this type of commitment. I met you at a bar. At that time, I know you have your girlfriend. And yet, you told me that you and her are just being a close friend. When I think bout it, if you could do that to her. Why not me? Am I right or wrong? You could do the same towards me. That's why I'm scared. I know, I'm a hot tempered. I looked like I'm defending myself being so mad all the time. I know that, maybe not now. But someday, you'll be leaving. That's why I take the risk to leave you. Let me take all the blame. I'm sorry Marul. I think I'm scared and I'm not ready for any relationship. I'm just having fun alone. I'm enjoying myself alone. I know I love you but I know someday I'm gonna hurt you. Like now, you are crying alone. Well, same here. I can't express how depressing I am about this. I can't hold onto you. I know you can find someone better than me. I can't be some phony bitch. I am what I am. I'm not ready to drag you into my life. I'm not ready. I need you somehow, you just my boyfriend. What I need is I need you to be my brother, my best friend, my soul mate. To be exact, I need you to be a man in my life that can guide me. I'm sorry love.