Wednesday, May 2


The moment I step into your life, I know I'll be a bitch towards you. I don't why but still there beside me. And me, when I look back I've should have known I would never destroy a boy's love that have been so strong and I let myself being a bitch to you and destroy any hope to you. Giving you hope, giving you the laugh, the tears, the madness, the all the shit happen towards you was wrong. I know it's has been all the way here my fault. I've realize that and I know it's too late to apologize because there's nothing left for me to do to be part of you. Being with you, there's up and down. Being a HORRIBLE girlfriend is the last thing I want to do towards you, my love. I know, all this while you've been crying the tears out of you and I've never been there. I've never take a look at you and say 'You the one that I've been waiting'. No, I just been a horrible girlfriend. All this while, when you ask me to change I would. But, I know my strength. Being apart for miles not there beside you, and I've been throwing you shit and crap blaming everything. But deep inside, the moment I laid my eyes on you you have been the most WONDERFUL boyfriend. Like any dream boyfriend would do. I love you, and I know if you read this it just piece of words. Remember, everything I said in here, whenever I wrote it down here anything, I have been always, ALWAYS from my heart. Never been broken. I can't tell you because I'm ashamed of my attitude towards you. Being so mean and being drove by my ego, it's my lose losing you. Not yours. I know, this is the last thing you want to hear. But like I said, no more excuses. I miss you, I really do. I can't take a peek at your picture because every picture I take, there's a moment. The moment of truth, the moment of everything just being piece of shit. I remember the sound of you when you cry, I remember the sound of your laugh when you are happy. Your voice, if I could hear it once, it brighten my day a lot. Maybe you never noticed, every time you laugh I would stare at your face and smile. I remember the first time we see each other which is at Starbucks, oh God. Whenever you give me stuff, I would cry. I've not good enough for you, love. Never were. Being with you, even though there were fight but we manage to stick it through together. Being with you it's like a married couple having a SUCH wonderful time together and nothing to be bother. Being with you every second is such a memorable thing. Walking out from your life is the most painful stuff that I've gotta to do. Being you known as my BOYFRIEND and me being known as a whore, you gotta know. I'm ashamed. You know you could have been with someone much much better than me. I couldn't bring you the happiness you want. I couldn't bring the smile out of you. And most, I couldn't take care of you. I know I've should tell you earlier but I'm not prepare. Who am I to you in front of people's eye? People call me by horrible name and you, GOD. You so freaking nice. I can't be with you, my love. Seeing you with someone new, better might gonna hurt me, but I deserved it, right? So, last here. I love you. What I meant love, loving you is not a mistake it's my mistake being horrible to you. Thank you Marul, bring the light inside my life and than you, even for awhile you showed up and be the best of the best boyfriend that I've been with. I couldn't cry, so should you. Never cry, my love. Maybe, all this while there's no such thing as ME AND YOU. Just you and someone else. Goodbye, love.