sucks about love

mostly, when we love  someone very much u never felt like wanna let him or her go that easily. but, when  it comes about my love life? it sucks. everything sucks. seems like, everything i done just him. he never realize it n always blame it on me. when can i feel the love he hard to express it to me. felt like being stupid. yes. love means that when u love someone, u act stupid. u say stupid. u seems stupid! u seems desperate. but it doesn't must be like that. u choose to be stupid and dumb for him or her just to get their attention. thats love dude! i cried for u, i scream out loud for u. but u seems like never care. u are careless about me. about me and life. firstly, u easily say u wanna break up. then, u easily say u syg me. but, when i think over. isn't true u syg me? is this waiting is worth for me to wait, cry, mad, scream? isn't it worth? 

for now, i only felt the love from my family. but, u are part of my family. why can u just accept the way i am? am i too bad for u to handle? we are losing the chemistry.and i wanna back. 

who's to blame now bitch?

what even meant trust? what even meant love? now i showed to you that i don't have the trust. that's why there's something wrong w the picture. lies on lies. i love that kind of picture. when it comes to me, no matter what am i done or wear. it must me doing something wrong. who's to fool now? isn't me fooling you around or it just u? who's to blame now? isn't still me or u? isn't still me the BIG FAT LIAR or it just u? lies on lies darla. thanks a lot.

it really means a lot. i though i was the one. ALWAYS GET MY HIGH HOPES ON YOU!

birthday girl perlu keluar air mata?

just for once! just even once! i just wanna felt everything PERFECT!

even on my birthday, i cried! i cried for something bad! i cried for something that i hate most!

even on my FUCKING birthday! i have to cry!

even on my CELAKA hari jadi, aku perlu ngis!

pahal? mmang ada jak benda nok nyakit ati! kdang2 ku pike la kan, AKU IDUP PUN XDA GUNA BAH!

BERIK SIAL! siot eh. aku bencik birthday! mok dekat 10 thun aku xda celebrate. bila dah celebrate, aku nok ngis! SAH AKU JAIK.

aku baruk ada feeling mok sambut derr. haish.

28th May 1994

a young muscular man name Zolkipli meet a young lady, Rabiah. that time that man i don know might been dating one of her friend. so, they meet each other. back then, there no feeling of love or even get a future together. after 5 years being friend and know each other. that man ask the girl to be his wife. the lady say yes. after 9 years waiting, they get their first child. Me!! hehe. they not giving up after the first miscarriage. i love them.

28 may 2011

starting 12 noon until 3.55 is the best day ever. even though the night before, my father said no. and i still wanna go w him. ;) my mom at first doesn't really approve. hehe. but i stuck up their butt, and they say yes. i full- fill they promises i made to them, they not mad at me. even my dad.

long story short.

this years is the best year ever. i don't even know why. even though we had the roughest time ever, we still have each other. now i know, i can believe in him trust him. what do towards him is the bad-ass i have ever done to someone. 

making him to cry! that's the first. haha. i know. and sometimes i do realize that im not match to him. hey, im a bad-ass girl. he such like good boy kindda guy. GOOD BOY sangat ke? 

p/s : i kissed my cousinat the cheek  for the first time. i celebrate my birthday. and also, i still have the people that i care much. for those wishes, thanks a lot. i know i'm getting old. but, i'm still cute though. haha. :P 

aku bukan untuk dirimun

Dahulu kau mencintaiku 

Dahulu kau menginginkanku 

Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku 

Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku 

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh 

Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku 

Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu 

Dan kumohon maafkan aku 

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis 

Dan biarkan memilih yang lain 

Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu 

Pasti itu terbaik untukmu 

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali 

Aku bukanlah untukmu 

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu 

Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya 

Untuk diriku 

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh 

Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku 

Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu 

Dan kumohon maafkan aku 

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis 

Dan biarkan memilih yang lain 

Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu 

Pasti itu terbaik untukmu 

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali 

Aku bukanlah untukmu 

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu 

Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya 

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu 

Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya 

Untuk diriku

p/s : i'm sorry what i have done to you. i know its all my fault. just, i wanna say im sorry. i know i make u cry last night. i know lately i keep running away and making excuses. it just hard for me when all my love to you doesn't mean anything to you lately. what i know, before it's too late to say. sayang sentiasa suka ayang. eventhough time kawan kita kaie juak, gerek apatah lagi. sayang x tauk pahal sayang suka ayang. ayang banyak plah syg ngis, marah, kecik ati, kecewa but syg maseh dgan ayg smpe nektok. syg tauk syg salah. ayg marah syg, i deserve. just, i never felt being appreciate by you. 

malam tadi 22/05

aku nih ada crita nak sampai kan kat korang. aku tau lah blog aku nih manyak crita jiwang. tapi, itu aku. aku suka jiwang lah. aku tgok lah kan, aku nih cepat sangat kecil hati. aku pun tak tau. tapi, kalau orang tuh cakap kasar2, hang tgok chet. merepak terus. haha. aku nih kesian kat korang tmpat aku lepas. aku rasa aku lepas kat hang. and mlam tadi kan. aku baru hilang aku punya guardian angle kata kan. manyak la kuar air mata suci chet nih. haha. suci la sangat kan. haha. aku nih makin lama kuat pulak merajuk nyerr. aku tak tau la pahal aku jadi mcm nih. aku rasa ajer bah. and aku kecewa la sangat aku nih d benci oreng rupenye. aku pikiak aku nih baikk lah sangat. tapi tak. aku nih manusia, mana la tentu perfect sangat. aku tau aku buat silap, tapi aku kene balit entah la brapa kali ganda gih. haha. aku rasa aku nih jahat lah. betul. haha. mana la tau. kalau aku ada buat silam kat hangpa, hanpa pergi dtang jumpa chet na. ;)

jahat sangat ke aku kat korang?

aku tau aku jahat sangat kat korang. tapi, aku tak la jahat sangat sampai buat gmba korang mcm tu. aku tak la jahat sangat sampai nak buat profile fake pulak. aku pun ada maruah jugak. engko pike hati engko jer kan engko tau2 jer aku nie ada penyakit hiv. engko tau mcam mane ar? entah2 engko tu penghidap hiv positif tahap kritikal. engko nak aku malu erk? engko jangan la buat macam tu. aku tau aku jahat time dulu, sekarang ni tak. nape tak dulu engko buat fake? aku kacau suami engkau ke? tak pulak? aku kacau rumah tangga engkau ke? mane ade. macam mane aku nak kacau rumah tangga engko, aku pun hubungan pun belom teratur. engko ni kan, suka cari perhatian. aku buat jahat ape kat engko sampai engko nak buat fake. mai datang sini, mai datang jumpa aku. chet nak hang cerita betui betui kat chet apa chet dah buat kat hang. chet buang ape erk sampei hang sanggup buat chet macam nie? nak cakap aku ada kacau balak engko, takde jugak. engko nak ape? sakit hati betui engko dengan aku. haish. aku terima jer lah. aku tau aku betul, engko tu tahap gila.

Perkhemahan Persatuan Kadet Bersatu Malaysia

8 may until 12 may is unforgettable moment. it is an expensive moment that you gonna beg to turn back time. there's, i found my other family. i missed them. i missed all the fight before we all take a bath. a fight that really funny and memorable. i miss bapak. a few weeks spending time with him and all 32 of us. he take care of us like his own child. i really miss bapak.

camping kat kem oya, batu 14. kat cia 4 buah plantun lelaki n 3 plantun perempuan. mekorg dp nang enjoy abis. but, that moment ends when its time to go back miri. bila ingat sal mekorg kat cia, mesti mok ngis. sbb, aku? tahun tok last. bila gik ku nak merasa kdk ya. n second, nok pegi ya semua dah kdk famili aku. yahh! aku xmok abis pom 5 bah. ku mok enjoy dgan cdak.

pelu ka aku abis pom 5? haha. ssah bagi aku lepas masa ya. mahal gilak.  mahal teramat. aok la, maybe dpat kdk ya. tapi, dgan org lain. ku mok dgan org sama. pengalaman nok aku x pat lupak. aku rindu semua. aku rindu kaie sal aek. aku rindu bila mileh tapak k mkan. haha.

PLEASE TURN BACK TIME!

YA ALLAH !

tolong aku ya Allah. aku tauk ku banyak salah. tapi, tolong la. sampe bila ku maok tahan kenak pressure macam tok. x pasal pasal knk heart attack ku bah. dah ku lemah jantong. pike la. suka gilak nga family ku ancho bah. dlok udah, sbb aku. nektok sal apa gik? semua hal nok kaitan dgan famili ku musnah mesti ada knk mngenak dgan mulut org. tolong la. sampe masok kubo pun aku, idup aku x tenteram bah. ya allah. ampun dosa aku ya allah. ampun dosa famili ku ya allah. aku bnyak plah silap. hukum aku, bkan cdak ya allah. aku mbak sial lam famili ku ya allah. aku tauk ku bnyak plah silap, tolong aku ya allah! kesabaran aku x tinggi ya allah.

loved by him

i love you mohamad zulharizan. u are my only. i know lately we have been through ups and down relationship. and i want you to know that i love you no matter what. 

this is how i felt about you. i'm really falling in love with you even though two of us are really stubborn. hehe. i love you so much. 

everybody change

including me. i'm changing. i don't know if it is bad or good. what i know, what i see is what i wrote. like this, everybody change. everyone i know and i friend with is changing. even him. like, everyone i know is changed. i don't know if it is bad to them or good. i don't know. what i know, from the person i close with is change. but he ask me. i'm really disappointed of his attitude. my bad ass he knows, his bad ass he really doesn't know. if i say, he's gonna ask who start this fight. what start the fight is i can't barely handle if the person i love like bullying me. and the person i trust, setakat abu-abu ajak. i'm sick of people like unrespect me. bullying me. i know i'm short so whatever, but don't treat me this way. --'

where's my luck?

where's my lucky charm now? where's am i now? where the heck i am now? who the hell is him? where's me? where's him? who am i? who is he?

i want my charm back. charm that i see months ago. charm that i see that evening? where is it? i want it back. why? i ask you why. why every time we meet each other, only that moment i feel happy. why every time we meet, on the same day at night, we fight? why every time we fight, i'm the one that cried. why?

like you said, i was looking for attention.but for me, it wasn't me looking for it. i just looking for the person that i used to know by fighting with you. i know it's against the law. if this still goes on, just meet up. don't go back home or leave each other even just for a second.

foolish me. i'm the one who make this mess.

my blog, my picture. NOT YOUR BUSINESS

i don't care if you wanna be my follower or not. i don't ask or push you to read my blog. what you read in this fucking blog, just stay there. do get it people business. understand that bitch? i don't really care who the fuck are you or important you are to me. you tell my story or even my picture is very hard for you to handle, then.
Y O U  A R E  N O T   W E L C O M E  H E R E

who you think you are tell my story to someone else. why? your life it too perfect not to tell to everyone? huh?? fuck you lah. you read my story stay there. don't make it very hard. is that hard for you to shut the fuck up? why? i'm only asking to be my follower if you W A N T. i don't even push you to be one.

M I N D   Y O U R   O W N   B U S I N E S S !

what's on my mind?

let me think just for a sec. me done updating my blog. i was waiting for him skype me or even online just for a little while and i called him. and guess what? it doesn't worth. haish. i don't care and i don't even wanna mad at him. just let him be. i know he with his friends. but i guess friends more important. i think. well, i don't care. today is my very unhappy day. wanna know why? because even it's raining outside and i'm sick. it sucks and heart broken when you axious ly waiting for him, and you excited ly called him. and he just said sorry. oyeah! chill fiqah. let him be. i trust him and just let him be. i think. i wait and i wait. doesn't worth it.

my fault. always giving myself a hope that myself know randomly happen.

p/s : i love you.

miss the old fun

i miss you.  i miss the way you use to be. 'tampa palak' or 'paluk burit' is no more fun. it becoming hurtful. it's not cool dude when u scream into my face in front of your friends. i not even know who you are for now. how u feel i scream at you that time and your friends immediately look at you. u must feel that u being embarrassed, right? scream into your fucking face when everyone looking at you. well, for your information i felt that way. it's not cool to do that with a girl, am i right? you have shown your true true colour. and i not even like the way you are now. yes, like u say. i'm still the way i used to be. and you change into someone disrespect unwanted attitude for a boy that is being love by a girl that ask her friends opinion how to deal with this kind of stuff. they said be patient. but for how long? for you information, you have never seen me like i used to be. don't even ask. u the first boy that my patient towards you is being tested. and you easily said that, i'm not changed at all. for god's sake, you THE FIRST BOY and i'm not even tried to cheat behind you dude. and u said i'm not change at all. looks like, you not even tried to accept me for the who i am. i'm trying to accept you. is that so hard for you to trust me. i smoke, u scream at my friends. oyeah!! that's what really LOVE about you. what next? beat me to death? haish. i'm so furious by your attitude, give me back my mohamad zulharizan like he used to be. just be you. not being someone else. you seems like you tried to be someone else.

heart-breaker

i waited for you. for the day i came back from school. i wait for you to call. but nothing. im trying to be nice im sick of pretending like i love to fight w you. im sick of crying and im sick of seeing you hurt. what i wanna say is that even though i messed up, please don't pushed me away like that. yes, i hurt your feeling when i did that to you. but im sick of fighting w you. what for i fight and cursed you but deep in my heart i still can forget what i did to you. i'm sorry. i may not be enough for you, i may not the prefect girl u always wanted but please, dont pushed me away. im sitting in front of my laptop hoping that something pops and that is from you. i love you. and i know my words SUCKS. but please, i have no idea how to proof it you when u like not giving me the chance. please, i know i messed up. -.-

hate to admit

sometimes i wish had no idea what the password is. because every time i open it, i might making me jealous. but, i don't care. i'm just hoping that she do not always like that. what making me sad is, his walls full with her names but not me. em, haish. i'm not that jealous. i'm not a fan fighting with him. but, what if i wall with his own friends and my walls full with his friend's name? haish. i have no idea. just chill. i love him and i'm not blind still have feelings.-.-

part of me

part of me is you. i am you. you my everything. i just miss you syg. 

WILL YOU MARRY ME? 

i can't bare to think if you have the guts to leave me because f.y.i i not gonna leave you. 

haish. more i think, more i'm in love with you. ngegeh! -mohamad zulharizan bin mohamad- 

answer the damn questions

what making me frustrated that i feel like i'm being fool and i'm just a place that everyone let go their damn anger. what am i suppose to be in front of them? i'm not an idiot, i'm not some kind that u can be fool with.but sometimes, i cried just because of that shit. what the hell? sometimes i can stand it by hiding my frustration. but everyone have their limits. even me have my patient's limits. don't cross that line. please. i'm trying my very best to please you. just to make u smile. i'm only asking why the fuck are u acting like that to me. i'm scared that i do something wrong towards you. like my mom say to me, 'everyone surround you can detect your mistakes are, but hardly appreciate what you have done'. and i totally agree with that. when i do something really wrong, whoa. look at their face angry with me. when i'm doing something good, look at them. not even say thanks or just smile. it really do make me feel like i'm being accepted. everyone is just like that even me. yes, you can hide you expression. but can never hide it forever. i don't what the heck r you thinking towards me or you don't know what the heck am i thinking. my mother once said 'jangan sesekali ubah air muka orang. sekali dha polah orang mcm ya, smpe bila-bila org ya akan kenang'.

school story

hellow readers!!

long time no updated. talking about my freaking school. i love going to school. because there, i get to meet my friends. and also at the same time, i really hate going to school when you realize that someone that you know is hating you so much. and hey, i don't even care. why, i live not just to pleased my haters feeling. as if i care. but please, i hate when someone that you know hate you because of what my other friends did n i did eventually. we thought that it just a joke. don't take it personal. i thought she act gangster enough she can handle the pressure. this is my first time i see a girl so 'embarrassed' just because of we tease her with the guy she like. i was like 'what the heck?' and the reasons are she having her period n she not in a good mood. if all the girls are just like her, there will be no peace, no mens in our fucking lives. just, control that hormone girl. every one had their time, but some girl that i know never act that way like u. seriously, i never met a girl like you. i don't know. if you want to say what we did is bullied you. we are not like that. we thought it just a girl because to pick on somebody can not thinking might hurt their feelings but when we teasing you, you so fucking mad at us. look, i'm sorry. i didn't meant to bully you or something. it just for fun god damn it. well, don't judge a book by its cover, right? i guess i wrong about you girl. i thought u a fun girl to hang with, do not spoil like other girl. but, i was freaking wrong. you just a spoil brat. i'm glad to know. i'm sincere to be friend w u. but, you all that stuff wrong. that's your old school. i don't care how fat u are. i don't care how poor u r. what i care, don't get it seriously when hanging w us. what we tease or say it just for fun. nothing to embarrassed you or just to make you blush. no, we never meant that way. i'm not gonna coax you or anything. what for? not my problem you become sulky. i just need you to understand us than we understand u. u r so hard to understand, you know that. i know your story w ur family. u think u haven't yet felt the love you want from your family. you rebel all your mother or your father even your brother n sister ask you to do and dons. but, don't let it on us dear. i love you being my friend girl. i really do. what had happen to us, i'm really frustrated. and also i heard some of your friends call us high class group? what is that suppose to mean? if we really high class person, oh please. i'm not even look at you or friend w you. if me being a high class person. i ignore what u even say to me. maybe its you or not someone in your class really hate me. don't you think so? you shout at people's face, you sometimes very rude, sometimes you really sweet. swear to god, why u even think that way? whose choose friend? me or u? please, your friend is getting on my nerve. really pissing me off. what the fuck girl? straight to point please, berbahas la kw spnjg2 ko mok. i don't even care. because you friend is snob person. i smile at her the first time i see her. i smile, what she do? not even look at me. i may annoy you, but you annoy me so much that i annoy you girl. i don't FUCKING care what you wanna say about me, leave out my friends. leave me out of it. don't make us the reason you so pissed off. just say. u kurang kasih sayang and u know the truth. he doesn't like you. that y u so mad. in this world, who wants to get into a fight? you? me? no one girl. it's you attitude. we all r not mature enough. even teachers not mature. hbus? not even think straight. please, think before you judge us. how u even know us when u not even talk to us? how do you know we r high class person o normal person? do even know where we hang out? not at starbucks or coffee beans or secret recipe. that's u. every saturday u went parkson. every sunday, explanet or marina bay or tanjung. that's where you all hang out. us? how can us be a high class person when u never hang out w us? so, don't judge us by what car we use or what brand our bags are. you the high class person. you and your friends. i'm sorry. i'm not gonna pity on u girl.